Today’s events demand R-E-S-P-E-C-T

1992 Jury acquits Los Angeles police officers for the beating of Rodney King; riots begin. Which is a real bummer. Boo racism.

1974 President Nixon says he will release edited tapes made in the White House. What is there to add, really?

1968 "Hair" opens at Biltmore Theater New York City for 1750 performances. Mmm, naked hippie thespians. I can’t think of any single more attractive population subset… oh wait.

1967 Sock it to me: Aretha Franklin releases "Respect"

1961 ABC's "Wide World of Sports” debuts.

1945 U.S. liberates 31,601 in Nazi concentration camp in Dachau, Germany.

1852 The first edition of Peter Roget's Thesaurus is published. Useful, practical, functional, helpful.

1813 Rubber is patented

1429 Joan of Arc leads Orleans, France, to victory over English. Heroism, then burning at the stake. A fickle bunch, those French.

Cake!

1970 tennis star Andre Agassi

1958 actor Daniel Day-Lewis

1958 actor Michelle Pfeiffer

1955 what’s the deal with birthdays? Comedian Jerry Seinfeld

1899 jazz great Duke Ellington

For the birds, and bees, and horses, and chupacabras

2001 Dennis Tito becomes the first space tourist by paying $20 million to fly on a Soyuz mission to the International Space Station. On an unrelated note: have you ever noticed that the words “superfluous” and “extravagant” sound like positives, but are really negatives?

1989 Fatwa: can you dig it? Iran protests sale of "Satanic Verses" by Salman Rushdie

1972 Courts award the Kentucky Derby prize money to the second place finisher because the winner was given drugs before the race. That is what our courts should be worried about. Horse drugging: priority number one. Right on, judicial system.

1967 Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee (that refuses to go to Vietnam): Muhammad Ali refuses induction into army and is stripped of his boxing title

1934 Franklin D. Roosevelt signs Home Owners Loan Act. Well, his heart was in the right place, it was a good run while it lasted. Sad face.

1932 Yellow fever vaccine for humans is announced. I just really like the way that’s worded, like it was shortly following the “yellow fever vaccine for cats” and the “yellow fever vaccine for chupacabras.”

1931 Program for woman athletes approved for 1932 Olympics track and field. Women running? Despicable.

1855 the first veterinary college in U.S. is incorporated in Boston. “Hey ma, I’m going to be a vet. It’s like being a doctor, but more glamorous.”

1847 George B. Vashon becomes the first African American to become a lawyer in New York state. Cool.

1686 The first volume of Isaac Newton's "Principia" is published. You know, energy cannot be created or destroyed, equal and opposite blah blah blah, don’t let an apple fall on your head.

Birthday time!

1974 actress Penelope Cruz

1950 talk show host Jay Leno

1928 artist Yves Klein

1926 brilliant novelist Harper Lee

1758 Our fifth president James Monroe