We’re talking John Gotti, Uncle Sam, and EST!

1987

John Gotti is acquitted of racketeering. Because he was totally innocent, duh.

1935

Driving tests are introduced in Great Britain, but apparently they’re not that hard. I mean, everyone still drives around on the wrong side of the road! (rimshot)

1894

J L Johnstone of England invents horse racing starting gate. What did we do before the horse racing starting gate? The mind boggles.

1887

Chester Greenwood of Maine patents earmuffs. His prospectus? “Fuzzy things to keep your ears warm. You know, like a hat. Minus the hat, ergo no hat head. Eh?” Verbatim.

1884

U.S. adopts Standard Time. Which is useful, but imagine how much more exciting life would be if it hadn’t.

1852

I want you to make successful propaganda: Uncle Sam cartoon figure makes its debut.

1639

Cambridge College is renamed Harvard. Elitest-y.

1519

Cortez lands in Mexico. Which we probably shouldn’t be celebrating, on second thought. Sorry indigenous peoples.

Birthday birthday birthday!

1985 Actor Emile Hirsch

1950 Actor William H. Macy

1921 MAD Magazine genius Al Jaffee

1911 sci-fi writer/creator of scientology L. Ron Hubbard