Take that, ya pinko commies! USA! USA! USA!

2008

The end of an era. Well, sorta. Fidel Castro resigns as President of Cuba, his brother Raul Castro is unanimously elected

1998

Sir Benny and the Royal Jets? Elton John is knighted.

1989

Fatwa-y. Iran’s Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini puts a bounty on Salman Rushdie’s head.

1989

Last one in is a rotten egg! Like, really rotten. A 150-million-year-old fossil egg is found.

1980

Miracle on Ice! The USA Olympic hockey team defeats Finland, 4-2, to win the gold medal, after they handily defeated the evil force of communism. “Cold” War is right! (Geddit? Cuz they’re on ice? Eh?)

1924

Mahatma Gandhi is released from jail

1868

I did not violate the Tenure of Office Act (with that woman). The House of Representatives votes 126 to 47 to impeach President Andrew Johnson.

1839

Mike Mulligan finds his true calling. The steam shovel is patented by William Otis.

1836

Remember the Alamo! The 13 day battle begins.

1803

The Supreme Court declares a law unconstitutional for the first time. Balance of powers, it’s a beautiful thing.

How many boyfriends do YOU have?

1973

Boxer Oscar de la Hoya

1968

Now I am sad. Dead funny person Mitch Hedberg.

1942

Professional politician Joe Lieberman

1955

Apple cofounder/hipster god Steve Jobs

1968

Soccer player John Veldman (yes, this is America and I don’t actually know who this is, but he played for Sparta! SPAARTAAA!)